Scars
by Willful Redhead
Summary: A chance meeting changes Brian's life, forever.
1. Chapter 1

_Seven Brides for Seven Brothers only had one season and these stories are how I imagined the future. It is really just one story, starting with No Orphans Live Here, Family Debts and Sacrifices. It is my AU, I guess. It might not be how you imagined their future, but it is how I see it. _

_I've really appreciated the reviews and hope people will continue to help me improve the stories - thanks for pointing out my Ford/Evan confusion. I don't know why I mix them up! Since I can't thank Just A Reviewer with a PM, I wanted to mention my appreciation for your encouragement and comments._

_I hope you enjoy this one. I guess you could say this is a Brian story, but you can't really separate the brothers, so they are all in there. _

SCARS

Brian McFadden watched as the auburn-haired woman walked away. He was stunned. When he had first seen her sitting alone in the cafe, he had smiled, and with his usual charm had walked right up to her.

"Hello, mind if I sit here?" He asked indicating the chair beside her.

"No other seats open?" She asked looking around barely giving him a glance.

"No, but I'd rather sit next to a beautiful woman like you."

Now she did look at him, but only to glare. He felt a wave of fear come over him briefly. Her bright blue eyes bore into him with a fire. _Wow! _He thought to himself.

"Does that line work?" She asked studying him.

"Sometimes." He said nervously. He sat in the chair.

"This _is_ a small town, then." She said turning back to the paper she'd been reading.

"How about if I just introduce myself." He grinned at her. "My name's Brian, and I'm actually a nice guy." He stretched his hand across the table.

She rose and laying money on the table said, "Good for you." She turned and walked out.

He sat frozen, shocked. Then shaking himself out of his stupor he followed her out into the bright sunlight.

"Hey, wait!" He called after her. She paused a hand on her hip. She was illuminated by the sun's rays, and she was stunning. Her red hair was laced with blonde which shone bright in the sunshine. Her nose was covered with a sprinkling of freckles, and her legs seemed to stretch for miles.

"What?" She asked irritated.

"Nothing, I just . . ." He stumbled for words.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" She laughed. "I'm the first girl who said no? Really?"

"No, plenty of women have said no to me." He said defensively, blushing. "I just, . . . what's your name anyway?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but then caught herself. "Oh, no! I'm not getting suckered into a pity date." She turned and continued walking.

He ran to catch up to her surprising himself. "Why not? I'm kind of pathetic. One little pity date wouldn't hurt." She stared at him. "I'm an orphan, if that helps." He said raising his eyebrows at her.

She paused again looking at him. "What did you say your name was?" She asked.

"Brian, Brian McFadden. I'm from around here. Ask anyone. They can vouch for me. I'm a nice guy and definitely worthy of one measly pity date."

"McFadden?" She wrinkled her brow. "Are you related to Guthrie?"

"Yeah, he's my kid brother. How do you know him?"

"I'm his math teacher." She said. "Maybe you should skip a date, and help him with his algebra."

"Oh! _You're_ his math teacher." He glanced at her. "Now, that D makes sense."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She glared at him.

"I'm' just saying, Guthrie's fourteen and you're . . .well . . ." He was unsure how to continue.

"I think you just blew any chance you had." She said turning and continuing walking.

"Hey, you've never been a fourteen year old boy, I have. Trust me. You put any woman in the room, and there's no way he's thinking about algebra, and you throw in someone as beautiful as you and . . . I'm not helping things am I?" He asked.

"No." She said firmly.

"Oh, come on! Give me a chance to redeem myself! I'm usually much more . . ." He sighed and hanging his head, resigned. "Never mind."

She laughed and turned to walk again, but pausing said, "Are you going to the dance at the town hall tonight? I might be there." And before he could respond, she turned the corner and was gone.

***7***

Hannah finally found Brian standing in the middle of sidewalk just outside the hardware store.

"You get what you need?" She asked him.

"Huh?" He stared at her dumbly.

"At the hardware store? I'm ready to head back if you are." She glanced at him. "Are you okay?"

"There was this woman and . . ." He turned to her. "What hardware store?"

"Brian!" Hannah laughed. She took him by the shoulders and turned him so he faced the hardware store. "Right there. What woman?"

"Guthrie's math teacher. Hannah, you gotta find out her name for me! Please!" He turned toward his sister-in-law, suddenly desperate. "I gotta know!"

"You could just ask Guthrie." She said surprised at how rattled he was.

"Oh! That's right! Guthrie would know! You are a genius, Sis!" He kissed her on both cheeks and then turned to run to the jeep.

"What are you doing? Brian, have you lost your mind?" She asked.

"Let's go. I gotta talk to Guthrie!" He said already behind the wheel, and gunning the engine.

"What about the cable you needed? From the hardware store!" She put a hand on her hip studying him.

"Oh, who cares about that! Let's go!" Shaking her head and laughing, she climbed into the passenger seat.

"You McFadden men!" She said.

"What?" He asked. "She was pretty, that's all." He said glancing at her.

"Uh, huh." She said knowingly.

"Nothing wrong with liking a pretty girl." He said.

"You need to look at your face in the mirror, Brian. You are already gone." She laughed the whole way home.

***7***

"No way!" Guthrie said shaking his head at Brian.

"What?" Brian was stunned. "Guthrie, come on!"

"Nope. I know how this will end. You won't call her, she'll cry and keep calling the house. And then I flunk algebra and I'm not taking it again next year!"

"He's got a point, Brian." Hannah said laughing.

"Oh, don't gang up on me, you two! I'm your brother, you have to do what I say. Now, spill it or you're grounded!" Brian put a hand on his hip.

"You can't do that!" Guthrie said irritated.

"Oh, I can and I will." He said.

"Hannah!" Guthrie whined.

"He outranks me, Guth. Sorry." She turned back into the kitchen. "But if he's right, Brian. You're paying for tutoring out of your own pocket!"

"Fine. But you are ruining my life, you realize that. Completely . . . ruining . . .my . . . life!" Guthrie emphasized each word.

"Yeah, fine, whatever. What is her name?"

"Miss Brennan." Guthrie sighed.

"Miss? Well, that's good. What's her first name? Do you know?"

"Yeah, it is Kathleen. It stuck because . . ."

"Wow! It's a sign!" He turned and ran towards the apartment he shared outside with Crane, and Daniel, when he wasn't on the road. But pausing he ran back and kissed Guthrie right on the lips.

"Oh, my God!" Guthrie yelled. "What is wrong with you?"

***7***

"When's the last time you took Hannah out dancing?" Brian asked his older brother who was changing Jeb's diaper.

"Um . . .a year ago maybe." Adam said.

"There's a dance at the town hall tonight. Take her out."

"Why?" Adam asked.

"What do you mean why? She's a good woman, works hard, gave you not one, but TWO sons, you don't think she deserves to go out?"

"She deserves it, but why do _you_ want me take her out?" Adam tossed the dirty diaper in the bin and dressed Jeb, who squirmed. "Seriously, buddy, you got to hold still!" He said to his son.

"I need to look respectable." Brian said quietly.

"This the girl you met in town?" Adam asked.

"Why does everyone in this family talk so much!" Brian said exasperated.

"Hannah said you nearly backed the jeep into a tree! And where's that cable we need?"

"Adam! Adam! Don't torture me! Listen, you owe me!" Brian said pointing.

Adam lifted Jeb off the changing table. "I owe you?"

"Yeah, I never got to go to college."

"Neither did I, and _I _had a scholarship." Adam said carrying his son downstairs.

"That's true. Alright, well, I've never been outside California."

"Neither have I." Adam said.

"You threw Hannah at us with no warning whatsoever! You never once brought her home, and then kicked me out of my own bedroom!"

"You want to sleep with Hannah and me?" Adam asked laughing as he walked into the kitchen.

"What?" His wife said from where she sat at the table mending one of Ford's shirts.

"Ignore him, honey, he's lost his mind." He said putting Jeb in the fenced off area with his brother Jack. They crawled along the floor playing together.

"Hannah! Talk to him! Please, please go to the dance tonight!" Brian begged her. He turned on her thinking how to persuade her. "You know, I saved your life once!"

"Brian!" She said laughing. "I had it under control, mostly." She looked at Brian who hadn't been himself since he'd left the cafe that morning. "She's going to be there?" He nodded hopefully and she sighed. "I would rather take a nap, these days, to be honest, but it has been ages since we went out." She looked up at her husband.

"Please, please!" Brian got down on a knee. "I'll babysit for weeks!"

"Why do you want us along? You never have before?" Hannah asked.

"He needs to be 'respectable'" Adam told her laughing.

"Oh, so this is different." She studied Brian. "Adam, I think you are going to have to take me dancing."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you!" Brian jumped up and throwing his arms around Hannah lifted her and spun her around the room. Setting her down, he ran upstairs.

"What the hell was that?" Adam asked.

"Well, it might be love." She said laughing.

"He just met her! He didn't even know her name!" Adam said skeptical.

"Adam . . ." She grinned at him.

"Well, that was different," He said putting his arms around her. "You are the most beautiful girl to have ever lived." And even as she laughed, he kissed her.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian McFadden glanced around the crowded dance hall, ignoring any friends. He was nervous which made him really uncomfortable. He was rarely nervous. He had settled into a fairly comfortable, if not dull life, and was almost never in new situations. He hated new situations where he was unsure what to do. It was the reason he had given Adam so much grief about bringing Hannah home. She's upset his balance, and he was the slowest to accept her. And now, it looked as though another woman was going to upset his balance. He saw her then, in the far corner of the room. She was wearing a green dress and he drew in a breath seeing just how beautiful she was. He stood where he was unsure how to proceed.

"Brian, why don't you dance with me?" His sister-in-law asked.

"I dunno . . .I . . ." He hesitated.

"No, you can dance me over to her, and then you can introduce me. It will give you an excuse to talk to her." Hannah grinned at him and he ignored Adam's laughter. Instead he leaned in, and kissed Hannah.

"I love you, Sis, you know that?" But she just laughed.

"Come on, dance with me."

They danced across the room past friends, but he had eyes for no one else. Finally, he found himself dancing with Hannah not two feet from her, and he wasn't sure he would be able to talk, let alone remember to be clever.

"I see you recovered from your rejection." She said to him with a grin.

"What?" He said confused.

"You found another girl." She explained indicating Hannah.

"Oh, her? No, this is my sister." Hannah tapped his arm and he stopped dancing and walked Hannah over to her.

"Hannah, this is Kathleen Brennan. This is my sister, Hannah McFadden." Hannah smiled and held her hand out, Kathleen took it and smiled back.

"I never told you my name." She said looking at Brian.

"Well, I'm resourceful." He grinned at her.

"Guthrie." She said realizing it. Turning to Hannah she said, "Oh, I remember you! We met at Back to School Night."

Hannah nodded. "We're working on the algebra. It's the first time Guthrie's really struggled. He's a smart boy - he'll get it eventually."

"You started tutoring him?" She said looking at Brian.

"Oh, no! Math's not my thing. Our brother Crane, he's the smart one." He said to her.

"I thought you were good at everything." She said winking at him, and Hannah laughed.

"Well, everything except math." Hannah said patting his arm. "But give him time, he'd probably study up for you."

"Hannah . . ." He said glaring at his sister.

"I'm gonna go find my husband." Hannah said with a grin. "It was nice meeting you." She winked at Brian as she turned and walked away.

"I thought you only had brothers?" Kathleen said watching her walk away.

"Well, technically she's my sister-in-law, but somehow that doesn't explain what she is - sister is closer." He shrugged.

"That's really sweet." She smiled up at him.

"You are rethinking that pity date, aren't you?" He told her smugly.

"I was until just now." She said laughing.

"Wanna dance?" He asked her smiling.

"Yes." She said and he prayed that the next song would be slow. His prayers were answered and he danced with her, light in his arms.

***7***

"She's pretty." Adam said glancing over his shoulder.

"She is. Wait 'til you meet her. Brian doesn't stand a chance." Hannah grinned up at him.

"Come on and dance." He said kissing her on the tip of her nose. "I should've taken you out before." He said as they stepped on the dance floor.

"Well, we are kind of busy." She said laughing.

"I suppose."

"Hey, Adam, how are those twins?" Mrs. Green, an old friend of his mother's, asked.

"Getting bigger every day. They are on the verge of walking." He said over his shoulder.

"Time flies." Mrs. Green said.

Hannah was looking away from him, her eye on Brian. "Look at them. I tell you what, Adam. I bet you fifty dollars that they are married before the summer." She grinned up at him.

"You haven't got fifty dollars." He said laughing. He looked at his wife, her brown eyes filled with laughter. "God, you are pretty. You are all lit up tonight."

She blushed. "Well, I'm happy. I love your brothers, and Brian's been lonesome ever since I stole you away from him." Adam laughed. He glanced across the dance floor and gave a nod to Brian, who was deep in conversation with Kathleen. He gave the briefest nod back.

"He deserves to be happy. He gave up a lot." He said softly.

"So have you." She said.

"Not as much as I gained." He said kissing her and smiling, she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Speaking of gained. There's something I should mention." She said looking up into his eyes. "Better brace yourself."

"What?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant." She said, but even as he opened his mouth to respond, Brian walked up.

"What?" He looked at her in shock. "Again?" She nodded her head. "Now, you are just showing off." She laughed and he leaned in to kiss her.

"Adam, sorry for the interruption. I'd like you to meet Kathleen." He smiled proudly. "This is my big brother Adam."

"Nice to meet you." She said softly.

"I've almost got her convinced I'm not a jerk, so don't blow it for me." Brian said.

Adam sputtered for a minute, unable to think clearly. The twins were barely eight months old . . .

"Adam, this is Kathleen." Hannah said, nudging him. "He never gets out, so he's a little off his game." She said with a wink at Adam.

"I. . . so nice to meet you." He said extending his hand. Hannah laughed.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too." She said.

"You already met my wife?" Adam asked.

"Yes." Kathleen said laughing and smiling at Hannah.

"I just introduced you to her, honey." Hannah said.

"Oh, I . . .sorry, I'm a little shocked right now. Brian has never introduced me to anyone - let alone a woman."

"_Junior_!" Brian said. "Be nice."

"Don't call me, Junior or I'll tell her about your fascination with the color pink when you were nine."

"It was just a phase." Brian said. "I just look really good in pink - my skin tone and all."

"I can see that." Kathleen said laughing.

Brian sighed, and rubbed his forehead. "Adam, I swear . . ."

"Bet you won't call me Junior again." Adam grinned at him, but Hannah pinched his arm.

"Be nice." She said. "Did he tell you he's got five more brothers?" Hannah asked. "It's better to be warned." She glanced at her husband. "I was blind-sided."

"Honey, that was something like two years ago and it worked out fine."

"Listen, uh, Adam. I explained that Crane was coming later, so we are going to take the jeep." He winked at his brother.

"Yeah, that's right. We don't need it." Hannah said grabbing a hold of Adam's arm.

"Good. Well, we're going to go get something to eat. See you later." Brian said and they walked away, his arm around her waist.

"They look good together." She said watching them go. "Adam?" She looked up at her husband. "You know, you are holding your breath, right?"

"What did you say to me?"

"You know, you are holding your breath, right?"

"No, earlier." He said exasperated.

"Oh, that." She grinned at him. "I'm pregnant."

"Hannah!" He said. "Is it twins?" He tried not to look as frightened as he felt. After the twins were born was probably the most exhausting time of his life. Hannah had worn herself out trying to look after them, shedding a ridiculous amount of weight - in fact, she was still too skinny. It was a little bit easier now, as they were nearly a year old, and he could imagine that it would be even easier when they could walk themselves, but he couldn't imagine managing four small people.

"Just one. I hope you aren't disappointed." She said. "When Dr. Ebitts told me, I nearly fainted. I mean, the boys aren't even one, yet. But then I thought about Evan and Ford. They are just seventeen months apart, and they are so close. That wouldn't be so bad." She looked up into his eyes. "And I love you, so why wouldn't I want another baby?" She waited. "At least, I told you this time." She said hopefully.

"I appreciate that." He said grinning at her, thinking of how frightened she'd been last time because of the miscarriage. She'd been nearly four months along before she said anything. And even then, she'd only told him because she had been injured, and needed to make sure the baby was alright. That's when they'd learned it was twins. They had both been somewhat trepidatious, having suffered an enormous grief with her first pregnancy. Looking at her now, though, there was no sign of fear or grief, only joy. He pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so happy. I hope its a girl, and that she's a sweet, and beautiful as you." And even though they were in the middle of the dance floor he leaned in and kissed her deeply. "Let's go home." He said.

"We can't." She said laughing. "We need to call for a ride."

"That's right!" He turned and walked her to the phone, and called home. Crane laughed when he heard what had happened, but said he'd be right there.

"Well," Adam said looking at his wife, "I guess I've got no choice but to dance with you while we wait."

"Sorry to make you suffer." She said.

"Girl, dancing with you is one of my top five favorite activities and the other four things I like to do with you can't be mentioned in public." He winked at her, and pulled her blushing onto the dance floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Hannah contemplated the dinner table, trying to determine how many places to set. Daniel was still on the road and wouldn't be home for another three weeks. Molly had finally come home, on break from a grueling internship, so Crane would be absent as well. Brian was almost never home, but when he was Kathleen was at his side. She tried to remember if he said anything about being here for dinner. She glanced over at her sons, who stood near her, Jeb hanging onto her leg for balance.

"I don't know boys, seems like an awfully small crew. And soon your Uncle Evan will be on the circuit. It's getting downright lonesome around here."

"Talking to yourself?" Guthrie said as entered the kitchen.

"Nope, I'm talking to your nephews. Where have you been? It is nearly five." She said looking at him.

"I went over to the cafe with some friends and caught the late bus. I'm sorry. I should've called." He sat down at the table.

"Guthrie, have you got a girl?" She looked at him. "I'm not sure I can take another McFadden man in love just now. I think I'm suffering from empty nest syndrome."

"No! Please! I haven't got time for girls and they are too much work." He rolled his eyes at her. "You can't have empty nest. Your nest is hardly empty for starters, and you aren't even thirty yet." He grinned up at her. "I tell you what, I'll make up for not calling by helping you with dinner. He reached down and lifted up Jackson who had walked on unsteady feet to him. "Help me get on your Mama's good side, Jackie-boy." He kissed his nephew's cheek. "What do you need me to do, Mom."

"Don't sweet talk me." She grinned at him. "You promise to call next time and then get over here and shuck this corn."

"Yes, ma'am." He said and setting Jackson down he crossed over to the sink, but not before he gave her a kiss.

***7***

Izzy looked around the room and sighed. There was only Uncle Adam, Aunt Hannah, Guthrie, Ford, Evan and the boys for dinner. It was strange to think that just a year ago, this many people would've seemed a crowd, but now the room felt empty.

"When does Daniel come home?" She asked.

"Three weeks." Ford told her. "Feels kind of lonesome doesn't it?"

She nodded her head. "Is Brian gonna marry Kathleen?"

"Oh God! My life is over!" Guthrie said.

"Language, Guthrie." Adam said. "I don't know. What do you think about it if he did?"

"Oh, I like her and if they got married they might be around for dinner more. Would they live here with us?" She asked.

"I don't know." Adam said thoughtfully.

"I like it better when everyone's home." She said wistfully. "I guess, it could only be that way for a little while. Everything changes." She sighed.

"Yeah, someday, Jeb and Jack will be married." Evan said laughing, as Jeb mashed potatoes into his hair.

"I hope his wife knows how to clean." Hannah said rising.

"Eat honey. I'll go." Adam said lifting him out of his highchair. "Hey pal, you ready for a bath?" He asked as he took him upstairs.

***7***

Everyone was in bed, but Hannah awoke to find herself alone. She wandered downstairs where she found her husband sitting by the fireplace.

"Can't sleep?" she asked and moved a footstool near the chair, sitting on it.

"Moody, I guess." He said. "Go on back to bed, honey. You need to rest."

"I don't sleep well, alone." She said smiling at him and he reached out and ran his hand through her hair.

"I miss them." He said softly. "It was so hard when they were little, especially that first year. I don't just mean because we were all so hurt, but also because Brian was still in school. Taking care of the little ones was complicated. Guthrie was just a baby, really. I thought that was the hardest time, but I don't know. Everyone growing up and leaving, seems like it might be the hardest part of all."

She rested her chin on his knee. "I miss the craziness of that first year we married. I know it isn't all that long ago, but I never knew what to expect. It was so challenging because I didn't really know them well, but it was fun too learning and settling in. It felt so good to have a family. I'd been alone so long. And I really miss Guthrie being small." She looked up at him. "He's so independent now." She sighed. "How will we survive when the boys grow up? I don't think I'll be able to manage it."

He laughed then, and squeezed her shoulder. "Well, I think we can wait 'til their first birthday, before the panic sets in."

Just then the door opened and in came Brian.

"You are still up?" He said and even as he walked across the room, they could tell he was anxious. "We need to talk." He said seriously sitting on the couch.

"Oh, no. Is this a brother to brother talk?" Hannah asked. "Should I go?" She rose and started to cross the room.

"No!" Brian said. "This is a family talk. Sit down." She sat down on the couch opposite him and waited.

"The thing is . . .well . . . I am . . . that is . . . I mean." Brian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "The first time you saw her, did you know then?" He asked Adam. Adam laughed and rising came and sat beside Hannah.

"I owe you fifty dollars." He told her, and she nodded happily.

"Why does he owe you money?" Brian asked confused.

"Never mind. It was a bet we made. You love her?" Hannah asked him with a grin.

Blushing, he nodded. "But it is still so soon, isn't it?"

"You are talking to the wrong couple." Adam said. "Did I ever tell you the story of the first day we met?"

"You never really mentioned her, until you brought her home _after_ the wedding." Brian said irritated.

"Well . . ." Adam shrugged. "I agree I could've handled that better. Anyway, the first time I ever saw Hannah I walked into the cafe. I saw her talking to some other waitress."

"Sarah." Hannah said.

"Whoever, I wasn't looking at her. Anyway, I see this girl that I've never seen before and right when I walked in the door I thought, _ Man, that girl is beautiful. _But I didn't think too much of it, I mean, why would she even talk to me? But then as I passed by her, she turned to me and smiled. I felt like I'd been struck! I can't explain it. It was like . . . I don't know what it was like. I spent hours sitting in that cafe nursing a cup of coffee because it was all I could afford just watching her." Adam smiled at the memory.

"Then this couple came in," Hannah said picking up the story. "They were one of those tourist couples who come to pan for gold or some nonsense. And he was the rudest man, I think I have ever seen. He kept belittling his wife and telling her she was stupid. It was awful. Everyone could hear and everyone felt uncomfortable."

"But only you did something about it." He said to her with a grin.

"What did you do?" Brian asked.

"Well, I went over to their table. He was eating a whole pile of food, but she was just drinking coffee. Anyway I went over and told them, that she didn't have to worry about paying for the coffee because a gentleman had paid for it already, and for anything else she wanted, and when she asked me who, I pointed right at Adam."

"What did you say?" Brian asked.

"I nodded my head and winked right at her, which in hindsight, might not have been the best choice, but her husband was a jackass. Sorry honey."

"Don't apologize, I can't think of a better word to describe him." She said.

"And when I winked at her she smiled and blushed, and you could tell for just the briefest of seconds, she believed she was important and pretty." Adam said.

"What did her husband do?" Brian asked.

"Well, I don't remember too much about that part, but he was displeased to say the least. The only thing else I remember about it was sitting on the back steps of the kitchen icing my black eye with Hannah beside me. My eye was killing me, but I was happy. I mean really deep down happy, and it felt right that she was beside me. It felt right that we were a team and that we had somehow, together made that lady smile. And I _knew_; I knew I would love her for the rest of my life." Hannah blushed and kissed her husband's cheek.

"And you?" Brian asked her.

"I knew I loved him when he winked at the lady. It was such a small thing, but it felt like the part in the movie when the hero saves the lady. Actually, I knew it even before then because I knew when I pointed to him, that he would help me. And when the fight started, he stepped between me and the husband, and very gently pushed me out of the way. He protected me, and I knew then, that he always would." She smiled at Brian. "That was about two and half hours after I first saw him, and about ten minutes before I knew his name. So, you might want to talk to someone else about it being too soon to know."

"You never told us that story." Brian said surprised. "That's a really good story, and it sort of sums up the two of you. You are always thinking about ways to make things better for others and he's always making sure things are right and that you are safe." He sighed. "I'd sort of resigned to being alone. I didn't even really think about marriage. It seemed too dangerous. Loving folks makes me nervous. You never know . . ." He sighed. "But I can't, I can't be without her. I think about her all the time, and I just want to be wherever she is. You know where I was tonight?" He asked them.

They shook their heads.

"I was at a seminar for math teachers! It has to be the single most boring event I could ever have imagined, and I was happy, I mean really happy because I sat beside her the whole evening. What am I going to do?" He asked, his eyes big.

"You are going to find a pretty ring, and then you are going to ask her to marry you." Hannah said.

"But . . . she could say no or someday, a truck could hit her." He said softly. And Adam realized suddenly why Brian always got so nervous and angry whenever changes came his way - he feared what those changes might bring.

"Brian, you can't live like that. Aren't you tired of living like that?" Adam said suddenly serious.

"What if Crane hadn't found Hannah in time?" He asked Adam. "What if he'd been too late? Would you still be glad you'd winked at that lady?"

"I can't even think like that!" Adam said shocked. "But I would have to say yes. How could I not be glad to have her here at my side, even if it was just for a year. I can't even begin to express to you how happy she makes me; how much better everything is - you know how wrecked I was, but she healed all those broken places."

"But love is so dangerous. I couldn't survive . . ." He looked away embarrassed. "This is crazy. I've known her for seventeen days. It's just late. I should be in bed." He rose.

"Brian," Hannah said softly. "She won't say no."

"How can you know that?" He turned towards her.

"Because I know what love looks like, and that girl loves you. I know it. Just like I know you love her. Love is not invisible." She rose and put a hand on his arm. "You don't have to be afraid. This time, change is going to be good." She reached up and standing on tiptoe kissed his cheek. He didn't brush her away or run off like he normally did when emotions got the better of him, instead he leaned in wrapped his arms around her.

"Will you help me find a ring?" He asked her. She nodded. He hugged her tightly, and then kissed her cheek, and releasing her, he wiped his eyes and said, "If either one of you ever tell anyone, I sat around crying . . .I'll . . ."

"Oh, stop being a jackass!" Hannah said surprising them both. "I'm going to bed." She turned and left them wide-eyed and sputtering.

"I don't believe it!" Brian said shaking a finger after her.

"She has a point." Adam said rising and following her. "Even _I_ think your tough guy routine can be over the top." He winked at Brian and called out to his wife. "Brian's stubbornness doesn't excuse your language, girl! Hannah Joy you are in big trouble!"

Even as he stepped out onto the porch to head over to his apartment, he could hear the two of them laughing, and just the sound of it made him long for Kathleen.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean he won't get out of bed?" Adam asked Guthrie.

"He's just laying there. He looks terrible. Maybe he's sick." Guthrie said. "I gotta go. I'll miss the bus." Guthrie turned and ran from the barn out to the road to catch the school bus.

Adam looked at Crane. "Did you talk to him last night?"

"I was asleep when he came in. What do you think is going on?" Crane said.

"He was gonna ask her." They looked at each other. "She couldn't have said no. She loves him." Adam turned. "I'm gonna check on him."

He found Brian huddled under the covers. "Hey, Bri!" He said. "What's going on? Are you sick?"

"Get out!" Brian said. "Leave me alone!"

"Hey! What's going on?" Adam asked suddenly overwhelmed with concern.

"I said GET OUT!" Brian shouted and reaching down, he picked his boot up off the floor and chucked it at Adam. That's when Adam noticed the beer bottles around his bed.

***7***

"He's drunk?" Hannah asked turning from the breakfast dishes. "What's going on?"

"He won't talk to me. Maybe after he sleeps it off. Stay away, honey. Don't go out there for a few hours. If anything happens come get me or Crane. I don't want you getting accidentally shoved or pushed around."

"Brian would never hurt me." She said wrinkling her brow.

"I know that, but he might bump into you if he's drunk. I just want to be careful with my girls." He grinned at her.

"You don't know that. It could be a boy." She said and he kissed her.

"What could be a boy?" Crane said coming into the room. "Did you tell her about Bri . . . Wait, what?"

Hannah laughed. "Well, it's a tradition now. Crane is always the first brother to know." She grinned at him. "Aren't you, _Uncle Crane_?"

Crane looked at his nephews who were sitting on a blanket on the floor playing with colored blocks. "Adam! You really ought to show some restraint. You poor girl!" He said to Hannah kissing her. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you!" She hugged him and then turned back to the dishes. "What do you think is going on with Brian?"

"I don't want to ask him because I'm afraid of the answer, but do you think she said no?"

"How could she? She loves him. Anyone can see it! I'm gonna talk to him." She said drying her hands on a towel.

"Hannah!" Adam warned.

"He's right, Sis, you better wait 'til he sleeps it off. He threw a boot at Adam. Just wait a few hours."

***7***

Brian staggered out into the brightness of the day. His head pounding. He would've stayed in bed but his headache had become unbearable, and there was no aspirin in the apartment. He hoped everyone was out.

"Brian!" Hannah said all too loudly. "I've been worried about you! You look awful!"

"Shhh." He said. "Not so loud. I just need some aspirin." He said as he wandered into the bright, bright kitchen.

"Sit. I'll get it for you." She brought the bottle and a glass of water and sat down across from him.

"Where are the boys?" He asked, mostly to distract her so she wouldn't ask questions.

"Nap time. Brian, what's the matter?" She asked.

"Nothin'. I just drank too much." He swallowed the aspirin. "Thanks." He rose to leave.

"Brian! What's going on? Something is wrong." She moved and stepped in front of him.

He reached out and grabbed her arm, gently. "Move, please." He keep his face down avoiding her eyes.

"She said no? Why would she do that? What happened?"

"I don't . . . I can't . . . I can't talk about it. I don't know what happened." His voice was clipped and brittle. "I asked and she said she no and she wouldn't tell me why. I guess . . . I guess I was wrong." And stepping past Hannah he went back to his empty apartment.

***7***

Adam knelt with his knee on a cow, holding it down. "You get it?"

Crane was treating a long scratch on the cow's back leg. "Almost. Where do you think that cut came from?"

"I don't know but we better . . ." He looked up to see Hannah riding up to them.

He rose and the two of them walked to her. He reached up and held onto the reigns of the horse.

"What is it honey?" He asked.

"She told him no." She said. "He asked her and she said no! He's a wreck Adam."

"Did she say why? I don't understand it!" Adam said.

"I don't know. I gotta get back. The boys are napping. I just had to come and tell you. You better talk to him. I don't know what he's gonna do!"

"We're almost finished here. I'll be in in just a bit." She nodded at him, and turning rode away back to the house.

"She said no?" Crane said. "I don't understand it. Poor Brian."

"Yeah." Adam said and turned back to where they'd been working.

***7***

"It's been four days." Crane said. "We are going to have to do something."

"Has he ever been like this before?" Molly asked. The four of them, Crane, Molly, Adam and Hannah sat on the front porch watching the sun sink.

"No." Adam said. "I don't know what to do. He won't talk to any of us. Won't come out of his room."

"He screamed at Guthrie yesterday, when he tried to talk to him. It was awful. I haven't seen Guthrie cry like that in ages. He's still broken-hearted over it." Hannah sighed. "I've called her but she won't answer. Guthrie says she hasn't been at school either."

"It just doesn't make any sense at all." Adam said.

"Is Brian going to be okay?" Guthrie said from just inside the house.

"Hey, Guth. Come here." Adam said. Guthrie opened the screen and walked out onto the porch. He stood awkwardly beside Adam who sat on a bench next to Hannah.

"I don't know. We got to be patient." Adam said.

"Brian loves you Guthrie. You know that. He's just hurt right now." Hannah said reaching for Guthrie's hand. Guthrie said nothing but nodded at her with tears in his eyes.

Swallowing, he said, "He has to marry her. It is the right order."

"What do you mean?" Crane asked him from where he sat on the front step with Molly sitting a step below him, leaning on his leg. Guthrie crossed the porch and sat down beside him.

"Adam, Brian, Crane, Daniel, Evan, Ford, Guthrie, Hannah" He pointed at his sister-in-law. "Izzy, Jackson and Jeb, and Kathleen."

"Alphabetical order? I feel stupid!" Hannah said. "I never noticed it. I didn't even think about my own name. That's crazy!" She laughed, blushing, embarrassed that she had never noticed something so obvious.

"Course,it doesn't work after that. Guthrie looked over at Molly. "Sorry. Maybe Daniel will marry someone with an L- name before July."

Both Crane and Molly laughed.

"What?" Guthrie asked.

"My name's not really Molly. It is just a nickname. My older brothers hated my actual name and refused to call me by it. They essentially renamed me in an act of defiance against my parents." Molly said with a smile.

"What's your real name?" Adam asked surprised.

"Lucille." Crane said smiling. "Lucille Elizabeth McGraw."

"McFadden soon enough." She said grinning and Crane kissed her.

"Oh!" Guthrie said. "Wow! That's perfect. I guess I better start looking for a girl named Penelope."

"I'm going to see her." Hannah said determinedly. "And I'm not going away until she talks to me. She has to give a reason." She looked at Guthrie. "Don't worry Guth, either way, we'll make sure Brian is alright."

***7***

Kathleen Brennan tried to ignore the constant knocking, but knew if she didn't do something soon her neighbor would call her. Mrs. Allen was an elderly lady and a notorious busybody.

She sighed miserably and forced herself to walk to the door.

"I don't want to talk." She said through the closed door. "Please, just go away."

"I'm not leaving!" Hannah McFadden said. "Come on, Kathleen, please. Just open the door."

Kathleen sighed. "Please, Hannah, just leave me alone."

"No."

Slowly, resigned, Kathleen opened the door. Hannah didn't hesitate and pushed her way inside.

"I don't know what's going on, but you've got to talk to me." Hannah said demandingly. "Brian won't even get out of bed. Why? Why won't you marry him? Why won't you talk to him or to anyone else? What is going on?" Hannah looked at Kathleen whose eyes were puffy and red. She looked like she hadn't slept. She looked miserable.

"Oh, honey." She said gently reaching out and putting a hand on her arm. "What is it?"

"I can't . . ." Kathleen said quietly. She turned and crossed the room and sank onto the couch. "I don't want to talk about it. It's too hard."

Hannah sat across from her. "But you love Brian." At that Kathleen began to cry.

"I do, but I can't marry him. I can't." She said.

"You can't?" Hannah asked. "You _want _to, but you _can'_t." She studied Kathleen closely. "Tell me why you can't."

***7***

Adam had tried to pretend he wasn't waiting nervously for Hannah's return but after an hour or two, he'd given up the pretence and began to pace in the front room, watching the driveway. Guthrie sat at the table trying to work on his homework, Izzy beside him.

"You're making me nervous." Izzy told her uncle. "Can you help me with this assignment? It will take your mind off things."

"Sure honey." Adam said, and sat down beside her, but just then he could see the jeep making its way up the driveway. They all went out on the porch. Crane walked up from the barn. Hannah climbed out of the jeep, and just behind her was Kathleen. Hannah hugged Kathleen and gave her a gentle push in the direction of the Bachelor apartment, and then turned to walk up the steps.

"Hannah?" Adam asked as she passed him and went inside the house.

"Did the boys eat? Izzy is your homework finished?" She said.

"What happened?" Crane asked. "What did you do?"

"Don't worry." Hannah said smiling. "I think everything is going to be just fine. They just need to work something out." She winked at Adam and said, "Don't worry. It is all going to be fine."

She turned and went into the kitchen leaving them all standing around surprised.

"Hannah!" Adam said following her. "What happened?"

"It is kind of private, but she's going to say yes. It's going to all work out. You'll see." Hannah said.

"Oh, I love you!" He said hugging her and lifting her off the ground. He kissed her. "But what was wrong? Why did she say no? What was the problem and how did you fix it?"

"I didn't do anything. She was just . . .I promised I wouldn't say anything, Adam."

"Alright, I don't even care! Two weddings!" He smiled.

"I have a feeling they will be getting married sooner than you can imagine." Hannah said with a grin.

Adam looked shocked, "She isn't . . ."

"Oh! No! Nothing like that. I just don't think that either one of them will want to wait. Besides, its sort of a family tradition." She grinned at Adam.


	5. Chapter 5

Guthrie watched his brother Brian as he painted the last wall of the bachelor apartment - which was a bachelor apartment no longer. The day after Hannah had gone to see Kathleen, the entire family had headed into town and stood up with Brian and Kathleen as they were married. It was a happy day for all, and now just three weeks later, Brian had just about completed the little apartment that he now shared with his wife. They had even installed a tiny kitchen.

Guthrie was amazed at Brian's transformation which was even more dramatic than the apartment's. It seemed that every time he looked at him, he had a smile on his face these days. It took some getting used to. Brian had always been loving and loyal, but he was gruff and quick to fight. Marriage had brought a mellowness to him. He was quick to laugh, smile and hug. Everything about him seemed at peace.

Guthrie was still unsure about being related to his algebra teacher, and had received some teasing at school, but had merely shrugged it off. Brian was happy, and he didn't care about much else.

As for his new sister-in-law, she was not like Hannah. Even Guthrie recognized how unfair it was to have to follow in Hannah's footsteps. Kathleen was quiet and a little reserved. She was kind and loving, but didn't jump into the middle of the McFadden fray, the way that Hannah had. Of course, Guthrie had decided, there would never be anyone like Hannah. Adam's wife had the added responsibility of being first, and had to help raise the family. No shy, quiet, reserved girl would've survived. Daniel had said it once, "We will love all our brother's wives, but not like you, Hannah."

Neither Brian, Hannah or Kathleen ever explained those dark days between Kathleen's rejection of Brian's proposal, and her later acceptance. No one but the three of them knew why she had initially said no. Guthrie was curious, but knew better than trying to convince Hannah to talk. Whatever, had come between the two of them was gone, and Brian married was the happiest Guthrie had ever known his older brother. He seemed content and at peace.

"What do you think?" Brian asked Guthrie stepping back and admiring his work.

"Looks good." Guthrie said. "Much better. I think a girl could live here now."

"I guess we'll see what Mrs. McFadden has to say about it." Brian said grinning.

"Which one?" Guthrie asked.

"Probably both, knowing them." Brian said. "Come on let's get it all cleaned up."

***7***

"Honestly, there's something wrong with this family." Daniel said. "I go away for two months and come home to a new sister-in-law! Crane, at least you have some sense."

"Well, waiting 'til July isn't my idea at all. I'd marry Molly today, but she wants to finish her exams first." Crane said.

"It must be genetic." Ford said grinning.

"It's a little intimidating," Evan said. "I keep thinking that I'm gonna turn a corner, bump into some girl and wind up married before the week is out. I wake up everyday thinking, 'Is this the day?'" Everyone laughed.

"Well, I'm sorry about you losing your bedroom." Kathleen said. "It isn't a good introduction."

"Oh, I don't mind about that. We've been overcrowded since the day Evan was born. I can sleep anywhere. The question is where are Crane and Molly going to live?"

"Well, I was thinking about that." Crane said. "We talked about moving into town, or building something on the property, but then I thought about the attic. Brian, what do you think it would take to finish it?"

"Maybe a month or less, depending on how many workers. It wouldn't be too expensive. Are you thinking of adding a bathroom or a kitchen? That would add a lot of hours and expense."

"No maybe just two rooms - we don't need anything fancy." He said.

"Oh, that'd be an easy job. That's good thinking. You don't mind not having your own kitchen?" He asked Molly.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not much of a cook." She said embarrassed.

"Oh no! Neither is Crane!" Ford said laughing.

"I can make an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Besides, no one in this family can cook like Hannah." Crane said smiling at her.

"I am a very good cook, thank you very much." Brian said laughing.

"I thought you were." Guthrie said. "And then I tasted actual food." He winked at Hannah.

"Well," Daniel said. "I'm home for a month and I couldn't decide on a wedding gift for you Crane, so I guess I can help you build those rooms. Hopefully, I haven't forgotten how!"

"No chance for construction on the road?" Adam asked.

"Not much." Daniel looked at Kathleen. "I guess I'll have to figure out a wedding present for you two. I can't imagine you married Brian! It's like finding out a grizzly bear has feelings." He laughed.

"Just wait, little brother! Someday you will turn that corner, and if you think I'm not going to tease you, you don't know me at all!"

***7***

November turned to December and Adam couldn't really remember a better Christmas. His first Christmas with Hannah was probably a close second, but seeing his boys eyes light up at the sight of the tree filled him with such joy that he knew nothing in life would ever come close. His brothers were happy, and the baby sleeping inside Hannah continued to grow. It was the closest he had ever felt to the peace of his boyhood before his parents were ripped from his life.

It was just a week after Christmas that they went into to town for the sonogram.

"Do you want to know this time?" Dr. Ebitts asked.

"Yes." Hannah said immediately, surprising Adam. They hadn't discussed it. "Is that alright?" She asked after a second looking at him.

"Sure." He said wondering what had made her decide. They had both thought waiting until the baby arrived a wonderful surprise. It seemed strange that she would change her mind this time.

"Well, everything looks really good, and there is only one baby." Dr. Ebitts said. He told them that at every appointment knowing that if he didn't Adam would ask, again.

"I have to confess, I'm relieved." Adam said which was his standard response. "I had dream the other night that you said the word triplets. I couldn't get back to sleep for hours after that!"

"I can imagine." The doctor told him. "Well, Adam you are just about five months away from meeting your daughter in person."

"A girl?" Hannah said her eyes bright with tears. "Are you sure?"

"Yep." He turned toward Adam. "What do you think of that?"

"I . . .I . . ." But he couldn't speak.

Dr. Ebitts, who had known the brothers since they were small, squeezed his shoulder and said gently, "I can't imagine what a wonderful girl she'll be! Between her mother and her grandmother, she will be filled with sweetness!" Smiling he left them alone.

***7***

"A girl?" Brian said surprised. "That will be interesting." He and Adam sat on the front porch watching Jeb and Jack play in the grass of the front yard. Hannah and Kathleen had gone on a walk together.

"Don't worry. Us boys still outnumber them. Even with Izzy and your bride." Adam said laughing.

"Well, let's hope she's pretty like Hannah. It would be awful if she had your ugly mug!"

"Just you wait!" Adam said, but Brian looked away saying nothing, a dark cloud settling over him.

They could see Hannah and Kathleen in the distance, as they made their way back to the house. Adam smiled seeing that they walked arm in arm. Turning to Brian he said, "Why do girls do that? You never see a couple of men walking across the ranch holding onto each other - unless one of 'ems been drinking."

"Women are strange creatures." Brian said with a grin.

"Truer words have never been spoken." Adam said. "Look at them, you'd think they were sisters! I can only imagine what they'll be like after they've known each other fifteen years. Maybe living all together is a mistake. They might start to gang up on us."

"Listen, Adam," Brian said his voice filled with an unexplained heaviness, "There's something I have to tell you."

Adam looked up and was surprised to see Brian's face filled with sorrow. He raised his eyebrows in question suddenly anxious.

"It's about Kathleen . . ." Brian began.

***7***

Hannah stood at the window looking out into the darkness of the night. She had been unable to sleep, her daughter decided that one a.m. was the perfect time for some gymnastics. They had finally moved the boys out of their room, and she'd forgotten how much space their bedroom had. They boys were sharing a room with their Uncle Crane and Uncle Daniel for now. Her brothers had taken sharing with the boys in stride, and a side benefit was that their uncles took care of them at night. She sighed imagining what it would be like to care for three small children.

"You alright honey?" Adam asked coming up behind her.

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep. Your daughter likes to do flips every time I lay down."

He smiled at the word daughter and kissed her cheek, wrapping his arms around her, his hand resting lightly on her stomach. "She gets that from your side of things. Nobody in my family is active. We just like to sit around and read books."

She laughed. They stood together silently, and he rested his chin on the top of her head.

"Brian told you?" She said after a time.

"Yeah." He sighed and held her tighter. "It must have been hard on you not to say anything."

"I promised." She said softly.

"I know. Brian was impressed that you kept that promise." They stood together in silence for a long time watching the stars.

"Would you if I . . ." She asked him quietly.

"Yes." He said firmly without any hesitation. "I would."

"Me too." She said softly. "Maybe . . ."

"I sure hope so." He said. "But a storm is coming someday and I don't know how we'll weather it."

"Together." She said firmly, turning to look up into his face. "That's how we always weather it; together."


	6. Chapter 6

Kathleen McFadden found herself surrounded by cows looking up into a clear blue sky.

"What do I do now?" She asked her husband. "They don't seem to be too interested in going where I want them too."

"You can't really hesitate. They are kind of like ninth graders they can sense fear." Brian said.

"That I understand." She said. She began to move again, this time with determination and confidence. Slowly, the cows began to move toward the open corral.

"That a girl, Katie." Brian said closing the gate.

"I don't know if I should feel proud about convincing four cows to move." She said laughing.

"It's a start, honey." He said kissing her. "You'll be a rancher yet."

They walked back toward the house together hand in hand. They were greeted by Izzy who ran to them.

"Guthrie's got a girlfriend!" The ten year old shouted.

"Really?" Brian said surprised. "I thought he said girls were too much trouble."

"She followed him home, and asked him to go with her to the dance on Friday. He was pretty embarrassed. It was great! You missed it."

They entered the house together, and found a miserable Guthrie playing with his nephews while Hannah cooked dinner.

"You got a girl, Guth?" Brian asked, as Kathleen went to the sink to wash her hands and help with dinner.

"I do NOT! Ellen is just so . . ." He sighed.

"She's sweet, Guthrie. She came all the way out here just to ask you. It would be rude to say no. You be a gentleman." Hannah said turning and waving a spoon at him.

"You are dripping sauce all over the floor." He said to her. She turned around shaking her head.

"You told her yes, then?" Brian asked leaning against the counter.

"Yes." Guthrie said softly.

Brian raised an eyebrow. "I guess we better make sure you are up to speed on the McFadden charm."

"I was just saying the same thing!" Adam said entering the kitchen.

"Oh, no!" Guthrie moaned. "I'm fine. You don't need to teach me anything."

"You represent the McFadden men! We need to make sure you live up to our standards." Brian said grinning.

"Adam once told me that 'after a week with cows, he couldn't wait to see me.'" Hannah said laughing. "Is that an example of charm?"

Kathleen laughed. "Brian told me that 'he liked me better than his horse.'"

"Katie! What we say in private is sacred." Brian protested.

"He does really love that horse." Adam said sitting down across from Guthrie who held his head in his hands.

"Oh, leave poor Guthrie alone!" Kathleen said. "You two are hopeless! You just go to the dance with Ellen and be yourself. Don't pay any attention to your brothers."

"I think I'm starting to really like you, Kathleen." Guthrie grinned up at her, rising. He fled the room avoiding any brotherly advice.

"Aww, we lost our only student!" Brian said.

"We know where he lives. We can pounce on him tonight." Adam said.

"You leave Guthrie alone. He's nervous enough without you yahoos teasing him." Hannah said with a hand on her hip.

"You know you thought I was charming." Adam said walking to her and putting his arms around her.

"I did." She said laughing. "I still do."

"Yeah," He said softly, "But you are easy." She hit his shoulder.

"Adam J!" Hannah said shocked.

"Come on, Bri. Kiss your wife, and lets go fix that fence line." Adam said kissing Hannah once more before striding out the door.

"Yes, Dad!" Brian said complying.

"Don't call me Dad!" Adam called from the doorway.

***7***

Hannah sat on the front porch with Jeb asleep on her lap. It was late Thursday afternoon. The jeep pulled into the driveway and Adam and Guthrie hoped out.

"He's asleep?" Adam asked quietly. "It's a miracle! Guthrie go get the camera!"

"I know." Hannah said. "I'm too scared to move!"

Adam reached down and mussed Jeb's brown hair gently. Hannah looked up at Guthrie.

"Well, show me." She said to him.

"Ah, Hannah! It's just a shirt." He moaned, but she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Alright," He said and lifted the shirt out of the bag.

"Oh, blue. I told you. You look really nice in blue. I'll iron it up for you if you put it on my dresser." She smiled at him.

"Listen, you aren't gonna try and take a picture, are you?" He asked.

"Well," She looked up into his eyes. "I guess not."

Adam bent down and lifted Jeb into his arms. The toddler stirred and they all held their breath until he settled back to sleep against his father's shoulder.

"Do you think she'll expect me to bring her flowers?" He asked his sister.

"No, but she would probably like it if you did. You could pick some in the afternoon. I could tie them up with a pretty ribbon for you, if you want."

"Thanks, Hannah." He said. "I can put him in bed, if you want." He said to Adam.

Adam passed his son to his brother and they watched him carry Jeb inside.

"Scoot." Adam said to Hannah and she moved over to make room for him on the bench. He draped an arm around her, kissing her cheek.

"Brian and Kathleen are gonna chaperone the dance, I hear." He said.

"I know. I sort of wish I could spy." Hannah said. "She's a cute girl."

"She better be." Adam said. "Nothing but the best for the McFadden men."

"Oh, stop!" She sighed and rubbed her stomach.

"Tired?" He asked.

"Not really. It's just getting hard to lift the boys." She said. "I hate that I can't really pick them up."

"Just for a little while. And they aren't hurting for people who can lift them." He said.

"Kathleen, can't." She said gently looking up at him.

"She can't?" He asked alarmed.

"They are too heavy. She gets winded." Hannah said suddenly serious.

"Does Brian know?" He asked and Hannah nodded fighting down tears.

"Honey?" He asked. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm just . . ." She wiped a tear. "I'm worried about him, about the future. He'll be so . . ." Adam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his shoulder.

"Shh." He said. "That's okay. You go ahead and cry, if you want. Everyone's doing chores."

"It's just hormones." She said looking up into his face wiping away her tears. "I can cry about just anything."

"Well, that may be true." He said. "But it is a real reason to cry, sweetheart." He said meeting her eyes, and she nodded before resting against his shoulder.

"I'd never survive it." She said softly. "Never." And she held onto him tightly.

***7***

"You look nice." Ford said studying his younger brother.

"I don't look like a dork? Do I?" Guthrie asked.

"Nah. You look good." Ford said.

"I don't want to go downstairs. They are all waiting." Guthrie looked up at Ford.

"I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be awful, and don't kid yourself, Hannah's got a camera." Ford warned him. "But afterwards, you can dance with Ellen. Just keep thinking about that. At least she's meeting you there. Imagine if she were here, too."

"Oh God!" Guthrie said imagining it.

They made their way downstairs and he was immediately swarmed by his brothers, his niece and his sisters.

"Oh, you look really handsome." Hannah said taking a picture. "You have a good time, and be a gentleman." She handed him a small bouquet of flowers wrapped in a soft pink ribbon.

"Thanks, Hannah. That's pretty." He looked up at Brian. "Can we go?"

"Alright! Come on, Katie. We got get this man to his date." The three turned to leave and Hannah passed the camera to Brian.

"What do you think you are doing?" Guthrie said.

"Just one picture, please Guthrie. She'll never know. Brian promised to be sneaky! Please! It's your first dance, and you are my first son." She smiled at him.

"Oh, Hannah!" He said. "You aren't even fair!"

Adam put a hand on his shoulder squeezing, "Guthrie, girls never fight fair."

He stood beside Hannah on the front porch watching the three of them leave. He noticed how slowly Kathleen climbed into the jeep and turned toward Hannah seeing that she noticed it too.

"How come you aren't going to the dance?" Izzy asked Ford.

"I am. Josh is picking me up later." He told her as the two of them went back inside the house.

Adam squeezed Hannah's shoulder. "Wanna take a walk? Crane can keep an eye on the boys." He said to her.

She nodded but said nothing.

"Sweetheart, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. She told us that." He said concerned for her.

"I know." She said after a bit. "It just . . . it feels like storm clouds gathering, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." He said, reaching for her hand. "It does."


	7. Chapter 7

Kathleen stood just outside the barn watching the bright starlight. She could see the big house from where she stood and had watched all the lights wink off; one by one.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Brian asked rubbing his eyes.

"I couldn't sleep." She said turning to him.

"You feel okay?" He asked trying not to sound the least bit worried.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just . . .Brian, I'm really happy, but . . ." Kathleen looked up into his eyes.

"Listen, everyone loves you. You don't need to fuss." He said.

"I know they do. That's the problem, isn't it?" She looked up at him, and her eyes grew bright with tears.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his chest. "Listen, you don't worry about that. I'll take you as you are, Katie. I told you that."

"But _you_ got to choose. The rest of them . . .I almost want to hide out here. I didn't think . . . I didn't understand they'd love me too. I worry about them. Hannah will . . ."

"Hey, you have a right to a life and a family. Whatever comes our way, comes our way. We aren't wasting any days, remember? That means you aren't wasting any on worry or on guilt, alright?"

She looked up into his eyes, and nodded. He smiled at her and leaning down kissed her. "Come on inside, sweetheart. It's getting cold out here." He led her inside their little home.

***7***

It was on a bright April day that the storm hit. Brian and Kathleen had just celebrated their six month anniversary three days earlier. When the school called he was grateful he was the one who answered the phone.

"I'll be right there." He said. "Tell her . . . tell her I'm coming." He hung up the phone and ran through the house past Evan who was just coming in the door.

"What's the rush?" He said spinning. But Brian didn't answer and rushed out the door. Hannah stood at the bottom of the stairs and seeing Brian's face, she grew pale. He paused then suddenly afraid for her.

"Sit down." He commanded and she sat slowly on the step. "Evan!" He yelled and Evan turned back to stand on the porch. "Go get Adam! Right now!" And turning away from them he jumped into the jeep and left a trail of dust as he roared out of the driveway.

"Adam! Come quick!" Evan yelled skidding to a stop in front of Adam in the barn. "Something's wrong. Brian just raced out of here, and Hannah looks - I don't know what happened, but I thought she was going to faint!"

Adam dropped the bucket of feed he held in his hands, startling Jeb and Jack who had been helping him, and turned to race to the house.

"Evan, I need you to watch the boys." He shouted over his shoulder.

She was sitting on the step still, her head down. He knelt in front of her, taking her hands. "Can you stand?" He asked, and she nodded. Helping her up, he led her to the truck. She leaned heavily on him.

"What's going on?" Evan said holding onto Jeb's hand with Jack in his arms.

"Can you find Crane? Tell him to wait by the phone!" Adam said and then they were gone. "I'll call as soon as I can."

***7***

They were led to the waiting room. It was the same room he had waited in to find out if Hannah would live or die. The same room that Sheriff Hawkins and a kind doctor had knelt in front of him and said, "We are so sorry, Adam; so very, very sorry."

He swayed remembering and felt the room begin to spin.

"Sit down, Adam." Hannah said leading him to a chair. He sat down heavily, his head down, and tried to draw in a deep breath.

"It's just like . . ." He struggled to explain to her. "I was . . ."

She sat beside him, and said, gently, "I understand, honey. You don't have to explain it. Shhh." He felt her hand, light and cool, as she stroked his hair gently. "It's okay, honey." She reached out and took his hand and rested it on her stomach. He was comforted by her presence and by their daughter who kicked and turned.

The doctor walked up then and Adam could tell by the look on his face, and the slump of his shoulders.

"I'm very sorry." He said to them and Adam felt Hannah begin to tremble. "Your brother said you knew about her condition?" He said.

"Yes." Adam said rising slowly.

"No, don't get up. You look pretty pale." He said. "He's with her now, and all the arrangements were made already, so he doesn't have to deal with any of that."

He looked over at Hannah. "I'm just going to have a nurse come and check on you, alright?"

"I'm fine." Hannah said softly, but Adam gripped her hand.

"You are white as a ghost, honey." He said. "Do what he says." His voice came out much more harshly than he intended so he added, "Please, girl?"

She nodded and the doctor patted her hand. "We wanted to give him some time, but you can go into him after the nurse checks on your wife, alright." He nodded at Adam.

"Thank you, doctor." Adam said mechanically.

"I was here that night." The doctor said softly. "When they brought your parents in." Adam froze his eyes locked on the doctor's. "I was an intern then, and even now, after all these years. That still haunts me. He was holding onto her hand, and they couldn't get him to let go. That's why it took so long to bring them in. He wouldn't let go of her." The doctor sighed. "It seems like your family has suffered enough, but . . ." He looked at Adam's face. "I'm sorry, I . . ."

"No one told me about that," Adam said softly, "about him holding onto her hand. Thank you, I didn't know that. He always held her hand; every single chance he got."

The doctor nodded, and clearing his throat said, "I'll get the nurse."

***7***

_Adam said. "Look at them, you'd think they were sisters! I can only imagine what they'll be like after they've known each other fifteen years. Maybe living all together is a mistake. They might start to gang up on us."_

"_Listen, Adam," Brian said his voice filled with an unexplained heaviness, "There's something I have to tell you."_

_Adam looked up and was surprised to see Brian's face filled with sorrow. He raised his eyebrows in question suddenly anxious._

"_It's about Kathleen . . ." Brian began._

"_What about her?" Adam asked._

"_I can't believe Hannah kept her promise." Brian said shaking his head. "That must have been so difficult for her . . . especially since . . . Adam, you be good to her. She's been carrying a heavy secret and she hates keeping secrets from you."_

"_What do you mean?" Adam asked._

"_Katie didn't want to marry me because she didn't want to cause me any hurt. She's . . . her whole family . . ." Brian swallowed._

"_Hey, what's wrong?" Adam asked concerned._

"_She has a heart condition. It runs in her family. She's already had two heart attacks, and the next one, well, she won't survive it. Her father, two of her uncles, and seven of her cousin all died from it. None of them lived past thirty-six, and many of them died before they were thirty."_

"_But . . . she's healthy." Adam's eyes grew wide. "Brian . . .isn't there medicine or something."_

"_She takes a bunch of it, but it won't stop it." He drew in a deep breath. _

"_Oh, Brian." Adam said unable to think clearly. How could Brian survive? How would he survive if he's own, sweet Hannah were . . ._

"_Hey, I made my choice and I'm happy with it, no matter what comes our way." He looked at his older brother, "Remember, what you said about Hannah? You are right. If Crane hadn't found her in time, you would still be grateful for the year. It is worth it. Every day we have makes it worthwhile. I love her." He turned and looked at Adam. "And even if I hadn't married her, I would be destroyed when she's gone. It was too late from the first minute. I just worry about Hannah, and you all. I made a choice, but Guthrie didn't know and neither did you, or Izzy or . . .death wound us."_

"_Yeah." Adam said softly._

"_It will leave scars just like before and it seems like we've got enough already, but I can't . . .I couldn't be without her. You understand." He said._

"_I do." Adam said looking at Hannah as she caught his eye and lifting a hand, waved, but seeing his face her smile faded. Understanding, somehow, even from that distance, she nodded her head and blowing him a kiss, looped her arm through Kathleen's and turned her so they walked away from the house, and toward the barn._

"_How long?" Adam asked at last._

"_It could be tomorrow or in five years, but surely before she's thirty-six." Brian said. "So, we enjoy the days we have." He looked at his older brother. "She wanted to let Hannah tell you, but I wouldn't let her. . .you've carried so much since that day. You know? I thought this time, I could be the one."_

"_Brian . . ." Adam looked at his brother who didn't seem little to him at all any more. "We carried it together. This too. Just like always." He reached out and put a hand to the side of Brian's neck and squeezed gently, and pulling him closer, Brian allowed an embrace._

"_Dada Dada Dada Dada!" Jeb chanted moving toward them with unsteady feet. His hands pounding on the bottom step, as he contemplated the stairs that separated him from his father._

"_Oh, no you don't!" Adam said rising and wiping tears from his eyes. "Your mama would skin me alive if I let you tackle those stairs." He lifted Jeb into his arms looking back at Brian. "I love you Brian." He said looking at him. "Me and Hannah, will be here. You know that, right?"_

"_I'm counting on it." Brian said._

***7***

Brian stood between them now, leaning heavily, unable to stand without them. They wrapped their arms around him, and hearing weeping, he turned to look at Hannah only to realize the sound was coming from him.

"Okay." He said more to himself than to them. "Okay." He tried to stop his tears, and drawing a deep breath, he paused, but unable to stop the tide of tears that shook him, he began to sob again burying his face in Hannah's shoulder. He felt Adam wrap his arms around the both of them and he stood in their arms, sobbing.

He didn't remember the drive home, or even climbing into the car. He did remember walking slowly up the steps of the house, not brave enough to return to the home he shared with her. He collapsed into the arm chair, and his brothers, who had been given the news by Crane, stood around him. They squeezed his shoulder, hugged him, kissed him, and Izzy climbed onto his lap. He sat with his brothers close around him, but he said nothing staring at the ground; a man bereft.

Eventually, the boys and Izzy had all gone to bed. Hannah, Adam, and Crane had sat with him, saying nothing. Daniel was still on the road but would be home in the morning, and Molly would be there in the afternoon, flying back from New York. Around three in the morning he began to drift off, and unwilling to go to the apartment that had belonged to the two of them, Adam had helped him upstairs to the room they had once shared.

"I should sleep downstairs." He said stumbling into the bed. "Hannah needs to rest. If anything happened to that baby or her . . ."

"She's fine. She can sleep in with the boys. You want me to sit with you?" He asked and Brian's eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah. That's stupid, huh? I feel like a little kid. I don't want. . . I don't want to be all alone. Just until I'm asleep, and then go to Hannah." He said his eyes closing.

"Don't worry brother. I'll stay with you as long as you need." Adam said pulling the covers over him. "I'm so sorry Brian."

"Yeah." Brian said. "I knew it would come, but . . . I had hoped so much." He opened his eyes and stared at his brother. "I wish I'd met her years ago . . . six months and three days! I wanted fifty years; I wanted more." Adam nodded and reached for Brian's hand. Brian gripped his fingers tightly.

"It's so unfair and I don't know why." Adam said. "Why should I be lucky when . . ."

"Don't feel guilty, partner." He said softly. "You hurting wouldn't make me hurt less. I'm glad you don't have to suffer like . . .we've had enough loss and grief for a million lifetimes. Things are just unfair sometimes. You know that better than anyone." Brian said.

"Brian, I'm just so sorry." He sighed.

"I know you are." He closed his eyes, his voice fading. "I love you, Adam, and I'm grateful that at least you and the boys are here with me. It comforted her that I wouldn't be alone. She said it made her feel better to know that when the day came you would be at my side."

"Always." Adam said, and he sat beside his brother who wept even in his sleep.

***7***

Guthrie pulled at his tie, wondering if it would be alright to take it off now. The house was filled with people and some of them had taken off their jackets and ties, but he didn't know if he should. He hated all the people in the house. He went looking for Hannah, but found Ford instead.

"Do you think we can take off our ties?" He asked him. "Or would that be bad?"

"You can take it off." His brother said. "People don't care about stuff like that. I wish everyone would leave." He sighed.

"Me too."

"After Mom and Dad, me and Daniel hid under the dinning room table." Ford said remembering. "Crane did too."

"Where was I?" Guthrie asked.

"Marlene had you or Adam. Probably Adam. You never wanted anyone but him." Ford said.

"Have you seen Hannah?" Guthrie asked.

"She was in the kitchen, but they all shooed her out. I thought I saw her on the porch." Ford smiled sadly at Guthrie. "Let's go see."

They found her sitting on a bench surrounded by a small group of elderly ladies who fussed and clucked over her. She was seven months pregnant, but looked small to Guthrie especially when he remembered how she'd looked when pregnant with the twins.

"Oh, there you are." She said looking up at them. "I was wondering what had become of you two." The cluster of ladies nodded at the boys and then after kissing and hugging them, they moved away.

"I don't know any of those people." Guthrie said wiping a kiss off his cheek.

"Family friends." She said softly. "You boys alright?" She asked looking up and patting either side of the bench. They sat down next to her and Guthrie immediately took her hand.

"Alright, I guess." Ford said, at seventeen Ford had surprised all of them by becoming even taller than Brian and Adam. He was lean and was nearly impossible to keep fed. Hannah still was shocked whenever she had to crane her neck to look up at him.

"You get enough to eat? They've got a roast in the kitchen."

"I'm alright, don't fuss over me, Hannah." Ford said gently. "Do you need anything?" He asked her.

"They just made me eat not too long ago." She studied Ford's face and reaching out she rubbed his cheek with the back of her hand. She always did little things like that from the very first day. It made him think of his Mama leaning over him smelling sweet and humming. It healed something that had been broken for a very long time. It was like coming home from a long journey and finding that someone had left a light on for you.

"It's okay to be hungry, Ford." She said gently.

"I . . ." Ford began, but shrugged. "I guess I could still eat." He kissed her cheek before rising and said softly, "I love you, Hannah." She smiled up at him, but he left quickly before she could answer.

"Are you alright?" Guthrie asked her. "Do you need anything?" She shook her head, and squeezed his fingers.

"Have you seen the boys?" She asked him.

"Molly has them. They are fine. Jack had just fallen asleep, and Jeb, well, you know Jeb. He never sleeps."

"That boy!" She sighed. "Adam's with Brian?"

"Yep. You want me to get him?" He asked.

"No, just sit here with me." She said and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You doing okay, Guthrie?" She asked quietly.

"I'm okay," He said. "as long as I'm with you, Mom."

He remembered once, in sixth grade, a boy in his class had teased him about being a "Mama's boy" after he'd seen Guthrie give Hannah a kiss good-bye. But Guthrie hadn't become embarrassed and instead looked the boy dead in the eye and responded seriously, "Damn, straight I am!" and then walked away leaving the him open-mouthed.

"Well, then just stay here by me. I don't mind one bit." She said.

Adam found them still sitting together later. Hannah was picking at a plate of food that Guthrie had brought her, and he was sipping a glass of iced tea that one of the older ladies had brought over.

"There you are." He said and he looked exhausted. "I should've known you'd be keeping an eye on her." He said to Guthrie leaning over and kissing him on the head. Guthrie didn't mind, for once.

"She hasn't eaten very much." He said.

"She's also sitting right here. I _can talk_ you know." She said but her voice didn't sound the least bit irritated. "The boys are playing with Evan and Ford." She told him. "I think they are having the best day ever. Everyone keeps handing them cookies." She looked up into Adam's eyes. "How is he?"

He shrugged, and swallowed. "I don't know. Mostly he is in shock, I think. I've never seen him like this." He looked away.

Guthrie stood up. "I'm gonna see if I can find Daniel."

"Hey," Adam said pulling him into a hug. "You don't have to run off."

Guthrie looked up at his big brother, and Adam was surprised at how tall he'd become. "You won't cry in front of me." He said, "And half the time neither will she." He smiled at his brother, and turning gave Hannah a kiss before he left them alone.

"I love that boy." Hannah said watching him. "I love all your brothers, Adam, but that one. . . "

"Yeah, he's . . .there were so many times when it felt like everything was falling apart, but he always, always pulled us all together. But you coming to him. He loves you so, Hannah." He said sitting beside her and she nodded. He looked at her plate which seemed untouched. "You need to eat, honey."

"I did. Molly made me drink a protein shake earlier. I will, Adam. I just don't feel . . ." She set the plate down, and he put his arms around her. She leaned into him. "I wish everyone would just go home. I haven't seen Daniel or Crane in hours. I want it to be just us. I haven't seen Izzy since the service, and I don't know if all my boys are alright. Everyone should just go, now." She said.

"They'll all go soon enough." He said knowingly. "I left Crane with Brian. He's alright, and Daniel's over there with Izzy." He indicated the front yard. "It's alright, Hannah; all your boys are fine."

He thought, as he often did, that if he had searched the entire globe, he could never have found a better wife. The fact that she'd stayed after she had discovered that marrying him meant she would be living with his six brothers was amazing in itself, and that she had also chosen to love and mother them too, astounded him. He held her close, thankful that she was safe and in his arms, and then he was filled with guilt and a searing pain. He didn't understand why he should be so blessed while Brian had to suffer.

They sat together a long time, and one by one the boys and Izzy all came and sat around them. Hannah was more at peace then. She could see everyone. Even Brian came and sat on the top step, Izzy leaning against him, and Daniel sitting just below him with Jackson in his arms. People began to drift away offering their condolences and then somehow they were surrounded with music - deep and comforting. She was surprised to hear her own voice and couldn't remember how the song had started. They sang together, and she was surprised to hear Brian's harmonica join in; a mournful, lonely sound.

_The water is wide. I can't cross over_

_And neither have I wings to fly_

_Give me a boat that can carry two,_

_And both shall row; my love and I._

_Love is a ship and she sails the sea._

_She's loaded deep, as deep can be._

_But not as deep as this love I'm in,_

_I know not how I sink or swim._

_The water is wide. I can't cross over._

_You stand apart on farthest shore._

_And long I row, but I cannot go_

_I'll wait for you til stars are no more._

Their voices, united, drifted up into the sky lifting higher and higher until they reached the door of heaven.


	8. Chapter 8

It was four days later that Hannah rose early, Jeb pestering her for breakfast, and found Brian sitting on the front steps. She set Jeb on the bench on the front porch, a piece of toast in his hands and lowered herself awkwardly to sit beside him.

"Morning." She said gently, reaching out and brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"Morning." He said and glancing behind him at Jeb he said, "Hey there partner!"

Jeb smiled and said, "Bri! Bri!" which brought a smile to both their faces.

"I can't believe how much they've grown." He glanced down at her stomach. "Won't be too much longer for this little girl."

"Brian, Kathleen and I talked, before, and I hope it's alright with you, but we want to name her Kathleen - Katie Joy." She said softly.

Brian said nothing, but blinked rapidly. He reached out and squeezed her hand. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot, Sis."

She smiled sadly at him. "You doing okay, Brian?"

"I'm . . .I'm getting by." He turned away from her face and then he rose and stood in front of her.

"Listen, Hannah, you aren't gonna like this, but I'm gonna go away for a bit." She looked up surprised, and concerned.

"Brian . . ." She began. "No, stay here with us."

"I just need some time and space, you know. I can't . . .I just need to get away. I'm really sorry and hate to cause you any worry." He looked down at her. She studied him thoughtfully and realizing his mind was already made up, she relented.

"You do what you need, Brian. I can take care of myself." She said.

He smiled then, "Yeah, I know that. I don't want you worrying. I can't have you upset, but I just need to get away. I'm gonna head up to the round-up corral and just camp for a bit. I need to . . . I'm gonna miss the baby probably, but I'm coming back, and tell Crane, I promise I'll be here for the wedding."

"The wedding's in July." She said softly. "That's a long ways off."

"I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I promise I'll be back for that. Katie wouldn't . . .she'd be mad if I missed it. She was really looking forward to . . ." He stopped unable to finish.

"Brian, I'm so sorry." She said her hand resting on his arm.

He smiled at her. "I love you, Hannah." He said teary-eyed. "You can't know how much. You coming here, and the way you take care of us all . . . I promise, I'll take care of myself, and you promise me you will try not to worry." She looked up at him and nodded.

"Here." He said. "It's for Adam." He handed her an envelope. "I wouldn't just run off."

She reached out her hands, and he helped her rise. She wrapped her arms around him. "I love you too, Brian. Everyone acts like I'm some noble saint because I love all of you! But I'm the one who's lucky! I've got six brothers, and for a few months, I had the best sister anyone could ask for." She swallowed down a sob. "I'll try not to worry, Brian, but come back to us. Don't stay away forever. We all love you so much."

"I know you do." He said and kissing her, he hugged her one last time. He crossed over to where Jeb sat covered in crumbs, and lifted him up into his arms. "I'll see you in a little bit, partner. You look after your Mama for me." He kissed Jeb and set him down, and with one last look at Hannah, he strode down the steps and away.

Crane came out the door just then and saw Brian walking away determinedly. "What's going on?" He asked.

Hannah shook her head with tears in her eyes. Crane looked at her. "Where's Adam?"

"Upstairs with Jack." She said clearing her throat. "I'm fine, Crane. Don't fuss. Let him sleep."

He walked down to stand beside her, and wrapped an arm around her. "Where's Brian going?"

"Away for a bit." She held onto Crane's arm when he started to go after him. "We have to let him, Crane. He just wants to be alone. He promised to be back for the wedding."

"The wedding? How long is he . . ."

"He doesn't know. He'll be okay." She said. "We need to let him do this." She looked up at Crane, and he nodded his head slowly.

He sighed. "God, this really sucks." And glancing at Jeb behind him, said, "Oh, sorry, honey."

"That's alright. It does." She sighed and looked so sad that Crane felt guilty. He squeezed her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek.

"Come on, I'll make you some breakfast. I'm not sure you eat enough these days." Lifting his nephew into his arms, he led her inside the house.

***7***

At Brian's request, they repainted the apartment and moved Daniel's bed back in. They tried to make it look as different as possible, but no one stayed in it. It stood empty, waiting.

It was in early June that Kathleen Joy McFadden made her arrival. As she made her appearance, the nurse proclaimed, "Oh! You've got yourself a redhead!" Her eyes were a bright blue, and her hair was most definitely red.

"Oh!" Adam had said. "She's so beautiful!" He had wept seeing her, and smiled at his wife. "Her eyes look just like Mama's." He said.

Next to her brothers, who had grown unbelievably, and at sixteen months were already tall for their age, she looked tiny. Hannah couldn't remember Jackson and Jeb being that small. She smiled at her husband, brothers and niece who had all come to see Katie Joy. She was happy, and yet, there was a sorrow too. She looked around the room and felt Brian's absence; and Kathleen's.

Brian had been the most reluctant to accept her. He'd been angry with Adam for bringing a stranger into the home. He had watched her with distrustful eyes, and resented when Adam turned to her, instead of him. He had made her nervous. She was unsure how to win him over, but persevered. When she'd helped them to win a prize bull from Wheeler, their rival, he had softened towards her a bit. Slowly, over time, he had come to accept her, and one day, after she and Adam had been married for almost eight months he had turned to her and said, "I'm going into town. You need anything, Sis?"

She had blinked back tears, surprised and understanding precisely what he was saying. It had filled her with joy. It was strange that the one brother who had given her the most grief would be so dear to her heart. She loved all of the brothers; every one of them. It had taken time to know and understand all of them, but two of them she kept close to her heart; Guthrie and Brian. She understood her connection to Guthrie. He had been quick to accept her and love her, and he had a sweetness that drew people to him, but Brian had been so difficult. It was only later that she realized that Guthrie and Brian were the two brothers who had needed her most.

***7***

It was just a week after Katie had been born that Hannah had come to Adam and said, "I want to go see Brian."

"Honey, I don't think you can. We can't take the jeep, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to go horseback riding just yet."

"We could hike." She responded.

"That would take days. You just had a baby." He told her.

"Well, I'm not suggesting we leave this afternoon, but maybe next week." He studied her, seeing how determined she was.

"Honey, no. I know you miss him, but I don't think it's a good idea."

"Adam, I'm not some city girl." She said. "I think its important. I feel like he needs us now."

"No." He said firmly and she'd stomped her foot frustrated.

They repeated the conversation daily, until finally he had relented, and reluctantly set out. And in a desperate attempt to ensure her safety, he'd done the unthinkable and gone to Wheeler.

"I need a favor." He said, and Wheeler had stared at him bug-eyed.

"A favor?" He said shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"I need to borrow two of those high-powered walkie-talkies you've got." Adam looked him in the eye, ignoring all of the other men who stood around watching.

"What for?" He'd asked.

"My brother Brian's been up near the high corral since . . . since he buried his wife, and my wife's got it in her head to go check on him, but she just had a baby and . . . I want to be able to get help if we need it."

Wheeler studied him saying nothing until at last he turned to one of the men and said, "Bill, go get the walkies."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." Adam said, as Wheeler handed him the walkies.

"This don't make us friends." Wheeler said eying him and for some reason that comforted Adam. He wasn't sure he could manage a world in which Wheeler and he were pals.

"Thanks all the same." Adam said.

***7***

It took Adam and Hannah four days of steady walking. Adam didn't push it, and walked slowly on purpose, until finally irritated, Hannah said, "Could you maybe pick up the pace? I can walk you know."

He laughed at her. "Well, I just had a baby fourteen days ago, so I was hoping you could go easy on me." He said.

"Lightweight." She grinned.

They climbed the last rise and could see the corral in the distance, and Adam feared Brian might have moved on, but he could see a curl of smoke in the distance.

He turned to Hannah now, she was rosy-cheeked from hiking, Katie nestled against her in the sling.

"Just up the trail now. You want some water?" He asked her. She shook her head.

"I'm fine. Let's go find Brian." She said, and nodding he turned and walked toward the smoke unsure of what they would find.


	9. Chapter 9

Brian McFadden stretched and turned toward the fire to pour himself another cup of horrible tasting coffee. He rubbed his bearded face and got ready to watch another sunset, alone. He looked to the sky and tried again to calculate if it was May or June. He had accidentally smashed his watch a few weeks ago, and had lost track of the days. He knew he would have to return to his family soon. He didn't want to let Crane down, even though the thought of watching a wedding and hearing declarations of love, made him anxious. He knew he had to do it. Kathleen would be ticked off at him, if he didn't.

He had come to this hilltop wounded, just as he had when was sixteen, and they had to carry on with round-up, despite the fact that their parents had died. It comforted him somehow, and alone up here, he hadn't been forced to hide his emotions or consider anyone's feelings. IHe couldn't bear the thought of the worry and strain he was causing everyone, and he just wanted to be alone with his grief. He could barely remember his first few days up here. He had spent them wailing and railing against the sky; against God who had allowed him to be orphaned _and_ widowed. But slowly, over time, he had come to peace and to terms with his life. He turned to reflect on the days he'd shared with Kathleen, grateful that she'd been his for as long as she had. He could've gone through life never knowing her, and he reckoned that six months and three days was better, far better, than not at all. Still, grief and anger would wash over him from time to time, and he was powerless to fight it off.

He glanced at the sky, and a sound filled his ears that shocked him; voices. He saw them in the distance then, and had to smile. He thought Hannah had shown great restraint, waiting all this time to come after him. His eyes grew wide, as he realized she was carrying a baby.

"Brian!" She called and passing the small bundle to her husband, she ran to him with arms outstretched.

He met her halfway and it felt good to be swallowed up in a hug.

"Sis!" He said. "Are you crazy? You hiked all the way up here?"

Adam walked up then. "Don't get me started. Horseback riding was out of the question, thanks to your niece here, and she would not be deterred."

He reached out with one arm and hugged Brian, relieved that he looked well. "Nice beard." He said grinning.

Brian rubbed his face. "I forgot to pack a razor." He said with a grin. "Let me see her." He lifted the baby out of Adam's arms.

"Katie Joy, this is your Uncle Brian." Adam said and Hannah kept an arm around him as he peered down into Katie's eyes.

"Her hair is red!" He said as sudden tears sprang to his eyes. "She looks like . . ." He swallowed. "She looks like Mom!"

"Her eyes were blue, but they've turned green." Hannah said softly. "I guess those McFadden genes are strong. The twins look like Adam, and she looks like your mother." She smiled at him. "You okay?"

He nodded and kissed her cheek. "She's just beautiful, Hannah."

Adam smiled, and wiped tears from his own face, surprised to discover how anxious he'd been about Brian.

"Come on and sit by the fire." Brian said looking up. "You must be tired. That's quite a hike!"

They sat around the fire with Brian gazing at his niece, unwilling to hand her over, until she squalled angry and hungry. "She wants her Mama." Brian said at last handing her back to Hannah. Adam passed her a blanket and Katie settled in to eat.

"What day is it?" Brian asked.

"Thursday." Adam said looking at him.

"No, I mean what day of what month? I broke my watch and lost track somehow."

"June 26th." Hannah told him. "You've been gone a long time."

"You weren't worrying, were you?" He asked. "You promised me."

"I promised to _try _not to worry. Not worrying at all was asking a lot." She said reaching out and squeezing his shoulder.

"I suppose you expect me to head back with you." He said.

"Well, expect is a little heavy-handed. It was more like hope." Adam said. "Everyone misses you. Are you ready?"

"I don't know if I'm ready, but I think its time. I can't let Crane down. He must be excited, not too many days left."

"Won't that be too hard?" Hannah asked concerned. "Crane and Molly would understand."

"Kathleen wouldn't. We talked a lot about what she wanted for me, for after." He sighed and hesitated. "I'm not good company just yet, but I'm gonna try really hard, for her sake, and for yours." He said which surprised them.

"You don't have to be anything for us." Hannah said. "You can be yourself, however, you are feeling."

"I know that, Sis. I just mean . . ." He looked at Adam. "After Mom and Dad died, I got really scared, and so spent a lot of my life kind of hiding and holding back. I've never been the mushy type, and it was easiest for me to show love to the boys, but I wouldn't really let anyone else in - it was too scary. I guess I built up a lot of walls and sort of hid behind anger or I don't know my tough-guy act. But Katie sort of blew all that apart - well, you sort of chipped away at it first, Hannah." He smiled at her. Katie had finished eating, and fallen asleep. She lay in Hannah's arms perfectly content.

"I didn't want to love you. I didn't want Adam to love you either. I was afraid that you would leave, and he'd be shattered." He said looking at his older brother. "Love is such a dangerous thing. It is easier to keep everyone away; there are too many things that can happen. And losing people, well, it changes everything."

"It leaves its marks on us." Adam said.

"Yeah. You always, always have to make sure everyone knows you love them - even if you are just going out to the barn to check on the animals, and Crane has to sit and calculate over and over to make sure there is enough to keep us all safe. We all bear scars - even Guthrie, who couldn't sleep alone until you brought home a mother for him."

"What?" Hannah said surprised.

"You never mentioned it? He slept with Adam and me, his whole life - well, from the day they died. He woke up every single night of his life, crying. When he was little he would cry for Mama, but as he got older he would just cry until someone sang him to sleep. It was three days after you showed up that he slept through the night for the first time in his life, and he has every day since." Brian told her. She blinked surprised and Adam nodded at her.

"It's true. I never said anything because . . ." He swallowed. "It is kind of hard to say how much you . . .you . . .it was like he was waiting for you, all those days. You can't really ever now what a difference you've made." He wiped tears from his face. "Not just a difference for me, but for the boys; for Guthrie."

"And for me." Brian said. "You made me feel brave enough to love Katie, I mean really love her."

"But you lost her. Isn't that what you feared?" Hannah asked.

"Yeah, and I don't understand why, but those six months were perfect. So much that was broken inside got healed. I don't know. It might sound stupid, but I think she was sent to me by God." He looked up at them embarrassed. "Do you think that's corny?"

"No." Adam said, and Hannah shook her head.

"Death wounds and scars, but love heals. I mean I do feel all shattered inside without her, but I feel stronger too, for having known her. Mostly I feel fortunate that she was mine for just that little while. She healed me. Love does that - it makes things right." Brian said gently. "I know that sounds like some sad little greeting card, but its true. I understand that better now, Adam. I didn't before and was just scared and jealous too."

"I never stopped needing you." Adam said. "You know that. It was you and me. I couldn't of raised those boys without you, especially in the beginning. You know how mean and angry I was. I was so hard on Daniel during that round-up. It pains me to even remember. But it comforts me that he had you, and the you kept them all together. I only want happiness for you, and I wish so much that she were still at your side."

"She's part of me now, so she won't ever really be all the way gone. We had good days, all of them. I'm grateful. I am. I don't regret it. Not one second, even with all that means."

Hannah moved closer to him, and set Katie in his arms. He smiled down at his little niece, and kissed her rose-petal soft cheek.

"We love you Brian, and I am so glad that you are my brother." She said. "You are such a good uncle to them. "My heart breaks for you, and I pray that you will have peace. I would do anything to . . ." She paused unable to continue.

"Hush now," He said to her wrapping one arm around her. "Don't wake little Katie Joy here." He studied his niece. "She looks like you, Hannah. Her lips are just like yours. The reason that she looks like Mama isn't because of Adam; you look like our Mom - I'll show you a picture of her when she was younger. From the first day, we all noticed it. Mom's hair was red, but she had a nose just like yours, and she was small like you. It was one of the reasons I was so upset. Every time I saw you, I thought of her."

"Adam . . ." She said looking up surprised.

"I honestly didn't notice it at first." Adam explained. "Crane mentioned it, and then I saw it. I wasn't really thinking about Mom at all when I saw you." He grinned. "But you do, you look like her a little bit."

"I . . ." She stared at them.

"Geez, Adam! The things you don't tell her!" Brian said smiling and he realized suddenly that he was smiling; that he could still smile. "I'll have to explain to you about the things you ought to tell your wife."

"Well, good." Adam said. "I could use some advice!" He winked at Hannah.

"We can head back in the morning." Brian said. "I'm just about out of food anyway. I've been reusing old coffee grounds and I can't wait for a good cup of coffee."

"That we can help you with right now!" Hannah said smiling, and rising reached into the backpack they'd brought along revealing a thermos. She opened and poured a cup. He handed Katie to her father, and accepted the steaming cup. Hannah sat beside Adam leaning on his shoulder. They sat across the fire from him, and he had to smile looking at them.

They were the picture of love and happiness: A man, his wife and child. He sighed hit with a searing pain, but at the same time a warmth and comfort filled him.

"You two." He said looking at them.

"What?" Adam said.

"You are lucky is all." Brian said and then seeing their faces he continued, "No, don't feel guilty. That's not what I meant. I just . . ." He looked up to the hills and mountains around him. "I know how it feels. I still feel it now." He said thinking of Kathleen's smile and the softness of her lips.

"I love her." He said. "It doesn't matter that she's not here anymore. I still love her."

Adam nodded, and Brian looked at his older brother suddenly remembering something he had said a long, long time ago. "People die but love never does."

"Yeah." Adam said remembering. "They are always with us; always."

They sat together a long time, watching the stars appear one by one. The moon was bright and full spilling its silvery light on everything. And Brian, who felt both broken and restored all at the same time, rested beneath its glowing pool of light, as though it were the loving gaze of someone dear.


	10. Chapter 10

Crane paced nervously and tried to tie his tie, but found that he couldn't remember how. He stood in the room he'd shared with Daniel for most of his life and tried to focus on the steps his father had taught him.

"_Dad! When am I ever gonna wear a tie?" He protested._

"_Well, if you're lucky, a beautiful girl like your Ma might take a fancy to you. You'll wanna take her somewhere nice from time to time, and just to prove how much you love her, you'll put a tie on." His father told him stepping behind him and laying the tie over his shoulders._

"_I'm ten, Dad. Can't it wait?"_

"_Stop whining and listen. Step one: lay it over your shoulders." They stood together in front of the mirror. "Step two: wrap it around twice, like this." His father's hands were sure and strong. "Last step, bring it down and through. There you go." _

_Crane studied his reflection in the mirror. He looked older with the tie. He looked nice._

"_You like nice son." His father said his hands steady on his shoulders. "Now, go show your Mama, and then get changed because those stables need mucking." He grinned at Crane._

"_Maybe the horses would appreciate the tie." Crane said looking up into his father's eyes._

"_I'm sure they would." And they laughed together._

Now, he wished more than anything that his father were beside him.

"Need help?" Adam stood in the doorway.

"Yes!" Crane said. "I can't keep my hands steady."

Adam stepped behind him, and watching him in the mirror, Crane was astounded, not for the first time, how much Adam looked like their father. Adam's hands were quick and sure and he quickly had the tie tied.

"How's that?" Adam asked.

"Perfect." Crane sighed. "The girls about ready?"

"Just about. I don't know really. Hannah kicked me out. Molly looks . . . well, you'll see soon enough." Adam smiled.

"Were you nervous?" Crane asked him.

"Well, I sort of didn't have time to be nervous." Adam said. "I was nervous later, when I brought her home. But I was sure." He looked at Crane. "I was never more sure of anything, you know?"

"Yeah." Crane said grinning. "I guess we better go downstairs, then."

"Hold up." Brian said from the doorway.

"Brian!" Crane said embracing his older brother. Since his return Brian had moved back into the bachelor apartment, but had kept to himself. He was quiet and serious. He came for family dinner, mostly because Hannah insisted, but he didn't join in the conversations, and sometimes he would just get up and leave right in the middle of dinner.

"I got something for you." Brian said. He handed Crane a small box that held a silver ring.

"Oh, no, but that was for you." Crane said handing the box back.

"No, Bri. It was Daddy's first. Adam gave it to me, and now I'm giving it to you." Crane looked at him.

"But it is yours. You should keep it." Crane said.

"Nah, I don't need a ring to remind me of her, and she'd want you to have it. You wear it and remember love's the one thing that always lasts. Huh?" He reached out and hugged Crane to him.

"Thanks Brian. I really . . ." He couldn't say anymore afraid that he would cry. "Thanks."

"Well, I guess it is time to marry old Crane off, then, isn't it?" Brian said.

"I guess so." Adam said smiling with tear-filled eyes. "You boys go downstairs. I'll make sure that Molly hasn't come to her senses and run off." He smiled and watched his brothers go down the stairs, and paused at the landing of his room. He knocked.

Hannah's face appeared in the crack of the doorway. "What?" She asked grinning.

"Crane's waiting for his Mrs. McFadden." He said his dimples showing as he grinned at her. "Is she ready?"

"I doubt any woman is ready to be a Mrs. McFadden." Hannah said. "But you can tell the pastor we can get started." She stepped outside the door closing it behind her. "Make sure Guthrie and Ford combed their hair, would you, please? Marie said she'll keep Katie with her and remind Evan that he and Ford are in charge of the boys."

"What?" He said staring at her.

"Adam! Weren't you listening?" She said exasperated.

"I was distracted by how pretty you are when you get all bossy." He said kissing her.

"Oh, stop it." She said. "Go on, now. Everyone's waiting."

"Yes ma'am!" He said and turned to go.

"Adam?" She said softer.

"What?" He asked hesitating a step below her.

"How's Brian?"

He looked up into her face. If he closed his eyes, he would still be able to see every inch of her face; her long dark lashes, the light shadow of freckles that ran across her nose and stretched out over her cheeks like a butterfly spreading its wings. There was a tiny scar by her left ear, where she'd fallen when she was seven, and when she had a real deep down smile her dimples showed. It seemed as though he had known her his whole life, and also felt like if he studied for the rest of his days he could never come to the end of knowing her.

"_She was sent to me by God." Brian had said._

"Adam?" She asked again worried that he hadn't responded.

"I'm sorry." He said. "He's doing the best he can, honey. He'll be . . ." He stopped himself from saying "fine" or "better". They didn't seem to be the right words. "He's got our love to help him heal. Try not to worry, alright honey?"

She nodded her head and he reached out to hold her chin in his fingers and kissed her.

"I know everyone's gonna be talking about how pretty Molly is all day long." He told her. "But I looked all around out there, and you are the most beautiful girl here, but don't tell the bride. I don't want her feelings hurt." He winked at her, and then took the stairs two at a time.

***7***

The sun had set hours ago, and the party had broken up. The bride and groom had driven off about an hour ago to head to Sonora and then on to Mendicino for a week. Bright white lights were still stretched out across the yard and everywhere was the evidence of celebration. Guthrie sat on the front steps, his chin in his hand. He looked back at his brothers who sat on the porch.

"I say we leave it." Daniel said. "One of us is bound to get married sooner or later."

"Well, you are next." Ford told him.

"What are we Amish? We got to get married in birth order? Listen, the whole alphabet thing makes us hokey enough. I say old Guthrie here, should be next." Daniel said laughing.

"No way. I plan to finish tenth grade first!" Guthrie said irritated.

"Well, that's two down, one to go." Adam said coming onto the porch having somehow wrangled his sons to bed.

"Where's the Hannah?" He said looking around.

"She's feeding Katie Joy. Inside, I think." Izzy told him.

"There's everybody." Brian said walking up to the steps of the porch from the barn. He sat down next to Izzy who immediately leaned against him.

"Play for us." She said to him. He looked at her, and kissing her forehead, he shrugged and pulled out his harmonica. "Only if Mr. BigTime will play along." He told her. He looked up at Daniel who nodded and went to get his guitar.

Hannah followed him as he came back onto the porch with his guitar. Katie slept in her arms, full and content and she sat down on the bench next to Adam who wrapped his long arm around her.

The notes of the harmonica were soft and melancholy, but as the guitar joined in, it strengthened the song. Together the music was lifted up, sustaining them.

***7***

Hannah looked across the breakfast table and did a quick head count. "Where's your sister?" Hannah asked her youngest.

"She's with Uncle Brian. They went riding." The toddler responded as his father lifted him into the high chair.

"Oh." She said looking at her husband and was surprised to see the streak of silver that laced his dark hair. "That's alright then. Alright then boys, let's eat." Adam winked at her as she sat down, and impulsively she got out of her seat and walked down the length of the table to where he sat, and leaning over kissed him. He pulled her towards him so that he held her in his arms sitting on his lap.

"Dad!" Jeb protested turning to his ten-year old twin brother. "They're kissing again."

"Seriously, you two are embarrassing." Jackson agreed.

"You be quiet." His mother said rising and leaving her husband's arms.

"Someday you boys will turn a corner and see a girl, and then you'll understand." Adam said winking at his wife.

***7***

Brian rode at a steady pace, his arms around his red-haired niece.

"Come on!" She said. "Midnight can go faster."

"Yeah, but your Mama would kill me if I let you tear around here at full gallop." He told her.

"Can we go up to the meadow?" She asked him. "I packed a lunch. You said we could go fishing."

"Alright, but we have to make just one stop, right?" He said.

"I know. I picked some flowers for you."

They walked the horse once they got close to the cemetery and then he tied Midnight off at a tree just outside the gate. He walked, his nine-year old niece at his side, and she reached up and slid her hand into his. When they got closer, she carefully arranged the flowers in the vase beside the grave.

"I forgot to bring more for them." She said. "I always forget that."

"That's alright." He said.

She studied the headstones.

_Adam J. McFadden_

_Beloved Husband and Father_

"Would Grandpa have liked me?" She asked him.

"He would've loved you. You could have asked him for anything, and he would've got it for you." He grinned at her.

"It's strange, isn't it?" She said. "They almost match." She knelt before the other two headstones looking at the letters.

_Kathleen Rose McFadden_

_Beloved Wife and Mother_

and next to it:

_Kathleen Grace McFadden_

_Always in our Hearts_

"Jack says he's the third Adam and that the whole ranch will be his because of it. But I'm the third Kathleen." She looked up at her uncle.

"You are. Do you want the ranch?" He looked at her.

"No, not really. I want to be a teacher someday. Jeb says I'm bossy enough." She looked at the graves again. "I just don't like him acting like he knows everything. Can we go fishing now?"

"Sure." Her uncle said.

As they walked together hand in hand, she turned to him and said, "You know, my friend Anna's mom is divorced. She's really pretty."

"And?" He said helping her up onto the horse.

"Well, you aren't married either, and if you liked Anna's mom, we could be cousins." She peered down at him with bright green eyes.

"You've been spending too much time with your Mama." He said climbing up onto the horse behind her.

"I was just thinking . . ." She said.

"Did I ever tell you about the time your father tried to wrangle a bull to the ground by himself?" He said.

"You are changing the subject." She told him.

"He about nearly got himself and me killed in the process." He said ignoring her. He waited.

"Alright, tell me." She said.

"Well, your daddy was just about ten years old and decided he wanted to prove he was the best cowboy around so he . . ."

She leaned back against her uncle as they rode together into the brightness of the coming day.


End file.
